-CONFUSED SOUL-

It didn't. It doesn't. No, I mean yes, I mean I don't know it doesn't feel right.


She took her parents for a wonderful movie, tagged her brother and some family friends along. Roaming around like the man of the house, she was too strong. She would get the tickets, she would arrange the transport, she would take care of everyone and even herself with constant breaks to adjust here fat glasses.

The movie was a regular one, just modified with time. The movie had most of them in tears but mostly those most who knew what it meant. The freedom, the air , the independence. She wanted it all. After a long time in this movie, she wasn't relating to the actress. Everyone does that. She  was the actor in her movie. The kind who doesn't need any other actor/actress.

She doesn't crave for love, but attention. She doesn't want people to obey her but to be heard. She knows that she can stand on her own and so does her small world that revolves around her. But everybody is scared. The darkest threat to a dream.

Leaving for home she confronted her world 'WHY?' 'what will it take for me to be that actor?'

The reply was not surprising neither reassuring. It was hurtful. Every word removed the bandages and dressing off her wound. Wound that she had guarded in her life and bedecked it as her birth mark, faked it into pride. Her world understood the movie and their dreams but alas the voice sitting next to them was too far to reach their ears. 'Do I need a customized movie?' she smirked at her misery.
Beaten like every other time with their stringent stubborn replies she left her head swinging out the window. Behind the geeky glasses that everyone appreciated, tears came down and dried with the wind. Not a soul who could see past,  Not a soul who could see through.The world thinks she is young. there is time for her dreams. What they can't see is most of that time is spent, spent fighting, rebelling and trying to unsuccessfully understand. They don't understand to let go and she understands none is to be blamed. Just sheer pity.
They think the man of her dreams is the solution. They don't know she ain't got any, neither such dreams nor such dire need of a man. She dreams of horizons the world of  fields and lands. She thinks of parachutes and sky the world talks about reaping in the green field. Her voice then can't match up with the same volume because this was her life. Life, where she was the man of the house in need but the not the man of the hour.

I have no idea what i just wrote. I am in my office with no work.

a few patterns that I have been working on!

Happy New Year!

Every moments is special. Every moment counts.

lets make the most of it.

live. laugh. cry. love.

Happy New Year!

Incredible India.

Warmth. Love. Overgrowing. Diversified, magnified. Varied. Differences. Similarities. Respect. Gratitutde. Food. Spices. Languages. History. Art. Peace.Chaos. God fearing. Law abiding? Auto. Noises. Phat-phat. Pon-pon.Fresh vegetable bargain. Any bargain. Masala tea latte. Cutting chai. Bollywood. Tollywood?! 12’o clock? Jollywood! Slumdog. Politics. Corruption. Jai ho. Ancient welcomes. Grand Exits. Maruti. Colours. Lights. Festivals. Smiles. Bond! Ruskin Bond. NRIs. Pickles. Bangles. Ornaments. Lively. Juvenile. Joy. Tears. Cricket. Paan. Dirt. Ganges. Religious. Holy. Dhaba. Pot holes. Traffic. Trains. Money. Cows oh! and Monkeys. Mangoes. Population. Pollution.Truck. Rickshaw. Laughter. Bliss. Misery. Contrast.Home.

INDIA.

Incredible.

This is a flat illustration done for a postcard ( on India). The flat illustration is of a stereotypical Indian Truck.

no gifts,just love

Its my dad’s birthday and like a kid I am jumping around and feeling excited.  Its probably the long distance thingy after vacations. So as a surprise I wanted to send him a cake from south western India to freezing North India thanks to internet.

After going through a various series of ‘gift a cake online’ services I finally zeroed down to zero. zilch.

and guilt.

Its weird with the norms/myths birthdays go on with and how they manipulate the world! I use my dad’s money to survive so basically to gift him something I am using his money. Its pretty stupid to use his money and give him some object. Its like he is wearing his well earned money but only  as a gift or if its a cake then he is just eating and digesting it. Basically shitting money. Ptch. Waste.

Its better if money stays in  money and not into birthday plans. Birthdays are better with phone calls and letters and postcards. Just a wish.  Show people that they matter not that they should be materialistic or that I AM materialistic.

So here is to you dad. Wish you a very happy birthday. Leaving the lame-o-meter in your jokes, pa, you are a great person, an even better son and a wonderful father. Always be like you are and even better.

So pa, Have a long and great life ahead with mom and you might just know but here it is- I love and respect you pa, and irrespective of the ups and downs I thank you for building a family like ours and making me a part of it.

And I hope someday, I am able to make you read this.

For now, Happy birthday! :’)

Mr doggy.

Mr doggy.

He came in my life to replace me (funny? yeah.) and now I think he lives a better life than most of the humans around. After I moved out my dad brought this tiny golden retriever in a carton box and my brother got his next best friend and my mom another kid to 'mom' after. But that's the fun part, he won't listen to you until he wants to or you pour over some extra large cans of LOVE .You can't really 'mom' over and there goes my childhood desire and dreams of being a rebel. This was something I could never do, say NO and there comes my replacement just walking away from what he doesn't want for himself.. You can't feed him according to you, nope. He won't settle for anything less than what he expects. Then when you shout at him , the Indian mother comes and tell you how he has never seen his mother ‘poor poor dog’ we must treat him as family. Of course, don’t you see his life is a treat! He doesn't have religious timings to avoid 'non-veg' food. When the whole country goes bare foot and hungry to worship their lords, he stays back to eat what he wants and sleeps whenever he wants, so that when you come back he can yawn at your face and bark to remind you that its his time eat again. He has choice of bitches to look after and then he is a dog, born with the talent of doggy style. While we have to join weight loss regimes and buy clothes and look smart,  he can 'pataofiy' (lure/lust/attract) with his Opaa doggy style!?. .Runs in his family.

So, yeah on second thoughts, life is better as a dog.

I mean look at his royal highness. ROYALITY. Mr doggy. He does his shit and people run to clean it. He barks, we get scared, he barks again we try to understand and then over understand over a few decibels created by him. I mean just few more decibels. People are dying shouting here but their words have consequences.

I think he has the coolest life in my house. When its hot my brother out of love gets him to sleep on my bed in an air-conditioned room. When its cold, well its awesome, he is Russian.

From second thoughts, this is my only thought. Life as a dog both metaphorically and biologically is a life worthwhile.You have a short, handsome life, you will always be golden, shiny and beautiful and loud and everyone will  love you till your last breath.You will always be a cooohicoohikooooo and the cutest little thing. 

FairPlay.

-

The girl who has to sleep on the sofa.

INSPIRED?

Inspire.
oftenly heard, this obnoxious word has been a pain in the a** of many ‘hard working people.’
go get inspired! or go! GET INSPIIIIHIRED with half closed eyes and hand gestures. blah.

What is inspiration? how can you just sit there and get inspired?
but …against all that I wrote, 'believe you me’ 

YOU CAN.

It sounds impossible.it did to me when my teacher asked me to get inspired from nature and make a logo. ‘WHAAAAT?!?’ Was my reaction. exact.(kindly picture a zoomed in image of my startled eyes along. )

But you do get inspired. maybe not that literally. Maybe not at the right time ,which is why pain in the a**. but things do inspire you. It hits you in your subconscious. Hence, the un-realization.
Days when you are just low and go I don’t know man, everything feels wrong.
take a look outside maybe it’s the weather. Maybe its cloudy, don’t feel sad just go for a walk.

Everything will say 'Look at me' and then again I don’t mean hot guys/chicks. Although they never fail to do that, what I mean are abiotic factors to be precise.

But hey I know what you are thinking, ‘I know all that!’ WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO.

But As Sherlock said in one of the episode (scandal of Belgravia :P) ‘you see but don’t observe.’ This my friend is no different.
Because the moment you observe you would feel amazing .That song, what a wonderful world ?you would feel it and so deeply like those are your words and music. And all of that all the images in your view gets stored in left-rights of your brain. Chance are you are going through some of those image in your head..

So when I look back and try to sort my own brain’s left-rights

in one of those moments, I find that the greenery inspires me. The bright printed shirt on that uncle riding on a bicycle inspires me.
The yellow ladder kept on a white wall inspires me. Sunlight peeping through the space between the curtains inspires me. Oh and why sunlight curtains inspire. Worn off clothes inspire me.
That hideous Bollywood song about shirt’s button ,yes, that somehow amazes and inspires me. Smiles inspire me.
Ventilation? Yeah yeah don't frown,crossing of wind,that too inspires me. I am sure does that to you too. Don’t you feel a part of a movie when you are talking and suddenly wind goes through your hair and whispers in your ear?
It always says hi to me.
And then suddenly you start smiling and go ..man I am high on life.Because life inspires you. and me.

You can call me or this post boring but the next time you are just smiling and someone asks you why? You’ll go ..just!
And then you’ll realize.

It’s the subconscious!:)