10.

10 Things you wonder sitting in a car waiting for your dad.

1. You remember the last time when it happened. Then you recall the most significant one and laugh it off. (for the record, mine was scary.I almost broke the window with my jam fingers.)
2. You look at people and judge their entire day with their outfits and expressions.
3. You remind yourself not to stare and tune in the radio and then think what  (hot?) dance steps that would go with it.
4. You suddenly realize you are doing those steps and people can see you.
5. You come back to normal and pretend you can see through them.
6. You look at the shops around and wonder if the money in your hands could get something to eat and if that could be called car delivery. And if you are the first person to name it.
7. Then you think of an alternative, of you might as well have a vending machine slider which will land the product on your lap. (design brains, I tell you!)
8. you suddenly come back to present tense and get tensed thinking what might happen if the car went backwards, if the handbrake failed.
9. Is your dad making the medicines?
10. Imagine this car to be a BMW (hah!)  and then, no wait, if that is your car what the hell go to sleep.

-CONFUSED SOUL-

It didn't. It doesn't. No, I mean yes, I mean I don't know it doesn't feel right.


She took her parents for a wonderful movie, tagged her brother and some family friends along. Roaming around like the man of the house, she was too strong. She would get the tickets, she would arrange the transport, she would take care of everyone and even herself with constant breaks to adjust here fat glasses.

The movie was a regular one, just modified with time. The movie had most of them in tears but mostly those most who knew what it meant. The freedom, the air , the independence. She wanted it all. After a long time in this movie, she wasn't relating to the actress. Everyone does that. She  was the actor in her movie. The kind who doesn't need any other actor/actress.

She doesn't crave for love, but attention. She doesn't want people to obey her but to be heard. She knows that she can stand on her own and so does her small world that revolves around her. But everybody is scared. The darkest threat to a dream.

Leaving for home she confronted her world 'WHY?' 'what will it take for me to be that actor?'

The reply was not surprising neither reassuring. It was hurtful. Every word removed the bandages and dressing off her wound. Wound that she had guarded in her life and bedecked it as her birth mark, faked it into pride. Her world understood the movie and their dreams but alas the voice sitting next to them was too far to reach their ears. 'Do I need a customized movie?' she smirked at her misery.
Beaten like every other time with their stringent stubborn replies she left her head swinging out the window. Behind the geeky glasses that everyone appreciated, tears came down and dried with the wind. Not a soul who could see past,  Not a soul who could see through.The world thinks she is young. there is time for her dreams. What they can't see is most of that time is spent, spent fighting, rebelling and trying to unsuccessfully understand. They don't understand to let go and she understands none is to be blamed. Just sheer pity.
They think the man of her dreams is the solution. They don't know she ain't got any, neither such dreams nor such dire need of a man. She dreams of horizons the world of  fields and lands. She thinks of parachutes and sky the world talks about reaping in the green field. Her voice then can't match up with the same volume because this was her life. Life, where she was the man of the house in need but the not the man of the hour.

I have no idea what i just wrote. I am in my office with no work.

a few patterns that I have been working on!